Mhaygun's Blog
Shh.
Stand still, please. Do you feel it? God, I can feel it. It settles on your skin, gently at first then pressing, harder, harder. Suffocating. It's suffocating me, blinding me, bringing me to my knees but I'm still standing on my own two feet. It's the silence. It's so loud.
Hold still. Stop moving. I'm trying to fix this. Stop lighting your fucking ciggarette and look at me. Stop turning away. Stop shifting from foot to foot. Look at me. Listen to me. I'm sick of this. This isn't an us. This is a me. I wish I could still hold onto you but your hands don't hold mine anymore. They only hold the ciggarettes, the rolled up dollar bills laced with your new fix and the alcohol. Who are you?
I'm still standing here. That box is yours, all yours. I cleaned you out except you are still in my memories. They play out in the quiet. They play out so loudly that it drives me insane, pounds inside my head and I'm gripping, gasping for a handhold. I can't find it. The pictures are still in my mind even though I crumpled them up and trashed them.
They are existing right here. Stop them. Please.
You're everywhere. Every single place I look. And you're in my veins, I feel it. There isn't blood there because you took it all. It's the essence of you, or who you used to be. You aren't the same person. I still am. You are a monster who is changing every day. A monster growing into something inhuman, wrong and deadly. The silence is destroying parts of me. But you would have inevitably killed me.
Hold still. Stop moving. I'm trying to fix this. Stop lighting your fucking ciggarette and look at me. Stop turning away. Stop shifting from foot to foot. Look at me. Listen to me. I'm sick of this. This isn't an us. This is a me. I wish I could still hold onto you but your hands don't hold mine anymore. They only hold the ciggarettes, the rolled up dollar bills laced with your new fix and the alcohol. Who are you?
I'm still standing here. That box is yours, all yours. I cleaned you out except you are still in my memories. They play out in the quiet. They play out so loudly that it drives me insane, pounds inside my head and I'm gripping, gasping for a handhold. I can't find it. The pictures are still in my mind even though I crumpled them up and trashed them.
They are existing right here. Stop them. Please.
You're everywhere. Every single place I look. And you're in my veins, I feel it. There isn't blood there because you took it all. It's the essence of you, or who you used to be. You aren't the same person. I still am. You are a monster who is changing every day. A monster growing into something inhuman, wrong and deadly. The silence is destroying parts of me. But you would have inevitably killed me.
